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Things I Don't Want You to Know

I’m going to rip off the bandaid and tell you that there is a lot that I’m afraid to tell you about me as a woman/mom/business owner… and I’m sharing them all with you below!

Why? Because if you’re reading this, I know you can relate…

First thing: I am seriously messy and most definitely have a little ADD. While I know that this naturally comes with being a creative and visionary, but let me tell you.. my poor husband! One of my constant goals is to ALWAYS make enough money to hire someone to keep our house in order.

Because if I don’t, it’s a disaster. And while I understand my own mind and know where everything is… no one else does.

I am a recovering unorganized mess and let me tell you why I hate to admit this. Between running multiple businesses, raising 5 kids in a blended family with step parents, and juggling four families going here there and everywhere… I have had to learn to implement tips and strategies to keep myself and everyone around me sane. I had to learn to become a “super planner” and it started with uncovering the gift of time blocking which is something my messy personality totally rebelled against.

Here’s another confession: I hate meditation. Oh man, I try to love it but to sit in silence when there is so much to be saying and doing…. I just can’t seem to do it. It is my nemesis. However, like hiring help in my house, I decided I needed to overcome it by being the best daughter in the world (self-proclaimed, no doubt) and take my mom on a spiritual journey to the Shambhala Mountain Center to uncover the reason behind life.

Well… reality check: sitting in silence for 2 days was the worst. It straight led to me begging to leave and whining about it the whole time. While that wasn’t my best moment, I needed that time to learn to quiet my mind and to this day, I still practice the tips I learned about meditation. While hours of self-reflection is unnerving, like time blocking, I still squeeze in 5-10 minutes because I know I need it.

Other things about me: I started off as a single mom. I had to put myself through school and work multiple jobs to make an income large enough to support myself and my daughter. I’ve been fired from a job. I’ve been given a bad review and I have been unliked more times than I care to count.

I yell. Yep, as a mom… I do. Like my husband, my poor kids! Whether its the constant fighting, smart aleck remark… or even something small, I lose my cool, yell, and then am filled with guilt because I love them fiercely. It’s a character flaw, the yelling (thank you dad) but it’s me. It’s a journey of undoing that I will be on forever… my lifelong quest of to hold back and how to respond instead of react.

However, because of this awareness, I’ve learned how to apologize and lean into the fact that my children see me as human too. That its okay to not be perfect, that we are still lovable and deserving of grace (sometimes… a lot of grace). Too often, we are our own worst critics. We are often judged (especially as mothers)… and we often judge others whether we care to admit it or not.

As a recovering perfectionist, I no longer strive for it, but rather strive to be the best version of me that I can be.

Too often we focus on the highlight reel of our idols working on their businesses, the version of them who seem to have it all together. Perfectly organized, zen, successful, and we compare and get caught up in the idea that we could never do it.

Let me dismantle that myth for you. It is simply not true.

We are all in this together. We are all messy, imperfect humans. We are women who want balance and acceptance, and because of this, we need to stick together in this crazy life, existing in a society that tells us to strive for perfection in everything… (and not to yell even when yelling sometimes feels like the only best option haha!)

If you could use a little love from other women while running your business and running your family, you are not only welcome, but are in good company here. Trust me, most of us can relate to the things you do not want to share about your journey… and if you’re looking for help and support in that area, we can do that for you here!

As this year is wrapping up, let me encourage you with the fact that you don’t have to do more… in fact, you need to be doing a lot less. Give yourself the grace and rest you deserve, and find the people who can celebrate the messy, imperfect journey.

Because all my mess, character flaws, and missteps pails in comparison to what I have accomplished… and the same is true for you! Let’s celebrate more, and critique a whole let less… are you with me? Let’s start a new narrative together!

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